I’m a fool.

I think that all this is pretty funny now I guess. She doesn’t know how she makes me feel and therefore I continue to live my life as if she doesn’t affect it. But she does. The things that she says, not even to my face, she hides behind social media to bully me and say rude things. There are her actions as well. The way that she keeps moving my things to separate them from her own. I don’t care if you want to keep you stuff from mine, it actually makes things easier for me, but don’t cast my things aside and just throw them back like their garbage, treating me like I’m garbage. At this point, I don’t know what to do. College should make me happy, I’m making new friends, I’m learning something new, I’m living away from home. But my first experience living away from home was anything but happy. Is anything but happy for I am depressed and sad here. I am lonely and ignored and treated like garbage, all from someone who said that she wouldn’t hurt me like the others. That she was different, that she cared about me and that she would always be there. That she would never leave me. Well where is she now? And why is she making me feel like this. My life was bad enough before I came here. I didn’t need this, I didn’t ask for this, but she handed me this life that is even worse then it started out as. Before I came here I could push my feelings down, I could not dwell on what I was feeling. I didn’t have to write in this notebook all of my feelings because it is the only thing that helps me hold on to this shit life she has caused me. I can’t blame it all on her though. She may have handed me the shit plate, but I let her in the first place. I trusted her faster than I have ever trusted anyone, because she wouldn’t hurt me, right? We have to live together. She wouldn’t hurt me. But she did and now I feel like a fool. Nothing but a stupid, naive fool. And I don’t know how to make this better.


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