Originally posted on Thought Catalog: “No one will love you until you learn to love yourself” is an easy enough phrase to believe is true. But it’s terrifying, especially when you have depression. What if you never learn? As a…
I think that all this is pretty funny now I guess. She doesn’t know how she makes me feel and therefore I continue to live my life as if she doesn’t affect it. But she does. The things that she says, not even to my face, she hides behind social media to bully me and say rude things. There are her actions as well. The way that she keeps moving my things to separate them from her own. I don’t care if you want to keep you stuff from mine, it actually makes things easier for me, but don’t cast my things aside and just throw them back like their garbage, treating me like I’m garbage. At this point, I don’t know what to do. College should make me happy, I’m making new friends, I’m learning something new, I’m living away from home. But my first experience living away from home was anything but happy. Is anything but happy for I am depressed and sad here. I am lonely and ignored and treated like garbage, all from someone who said that she wouldn’t hurt me like the others. That she was different, that she cared about me and that she would always be there. That she would never leave me. Well where is she now? And why is she making me feel like this. My life was bad enough before I came here. I didn’t need this, I didn’t ask for this, but she handed me this life that is even worse then it started out as. Before I came here I could push my feelings down, I could not dwell on what I was feeling. I didn’t have to write in this notebook all of my feelings because it is the only thing that helps me hold on to this shit life she has caused me. I can’t blame it all on her though. She may have handed me the shit plate, but I let her in the first place. I trusted her faster than I have ever trusted anyone, because she wouldn’t hurt me, right? We have to live together. She wouldn’t hurt me. But she did and now I feel like a fool. Nothing but a stupid, naive fool. And I don’t know how to make this better.
I can’t believe that I let you get this close to me. I let you in, I told you everything. And you threw the friendship away and time after time threw the words back in my face. I thought that we were friends, that you cared. But I know now that the only one that you are capable of caring for is for yourself. I don’t know who is a bigger idiot, you, for being the way that you’re being, or me, for trusting you and forgiving you time and time again. How did I do this to myself. How did I let you do all this to me.
Is there anyone on this page that is in a committed relationship and isn’t just looking to hook up? Like I don’t think that this is what the page was intended for. Sincerely, tired of seeing all the posts about hooking up.
I’m so tired of her rubbing everything in my face. You have people lecturing you and constantly texting you to make sure that you don’t cut again? Well that’s cool, I don’t tell people and I don’t let them find out because I am not proud of this and I don’t need their pit, you don’t people what you’re doing to yourself. You’re just an attention whore and I hate you.
When you cut yourself, you don’t tell people, you lie your ass off so that no ones what you’re really doing doing to yourself. You don’t make it obvious and then flaunt in my face that you have all these people that care about you more than they care about me. You’re just a fucking attention whore and I hate it. You only care about yourself and I hate that I have to live with you for the next 4 1/2 months. Apparently college hates me.